No matter how long it’s been since you were in school, you probably remember being nervous before a test. You wondered if you studied enough or if your teacher would toss in a trick question.
As a parent, you may see your child struggle with the same stress and wonder if these are normal school jitters or the sign of something more serious.
“Stress or anxiety before a test or big event is normal, and without some level of stress about an upcoming exam, a child might not feel motivated to study,” says UNC Health child psychologist Jessica Janos, PhD. “Anxiety can be helpful and protective. If you’re crossing the road and a bus comes flying around the corner, you want your body to respond quickly enough that you’re able to get out of the way.”
The problem comes when a sixth-grade math test feels the same as that speeding bus to your child; while the math test is important, the physical effects of anxiety can be detrimental to overall health and well-being. Here are some signs your child’s anxiety might be harmful and a few ways to help them.
Why Kids Develop Test Anxiety
While many children will experience test-related anxiety at some point, some groups of children might be at higher risk for it.
“If a child already has more anxiety at baseline, they may be more likely to have anxiety around tests,” Dr. Janos says. “Kids who have ADHD or other learning disorders are also more likely to have test anxiety.”
If your child struggles when their routine or a situation isn’t predictable, tests can be difficult, particularly if the teacher doesn’t announce the format of the test in advance or if the test covers big chunks of material, which can make it difficult to know what questions to anticipate.
Children who have perfectionist tendencies also may feel a lot of anxiety around tests.
“There are those kids who want a 100 rather than a 95, or who feel they have to get the best grade in the class and nothing else will do,” Dr. Janos says. “That all-or-nothing thinking can make tests incredibly stressful even if the child is an excellent student.”
One bad test experience can leave a child fearing the next one.
“It can be reinforcing if, for example, you get so anxious for a test that you can’t focus, you second-guess all your answers, and then you don’t do as well,” Dr. Janos says. “Then you expect you’re going to do poorly on the next test and continue to feel anxious about exams.”
Your child may tell you they’re stressed about a test. Other signs can include physical symptoms or a desire to avoid school.
“They may get a stomachache as a result of anxiety and feel like they can’t eat or say that they need to stay home from school,” Dr. Janos says. “There may be changes to their sleep. You might see a child acting more irritable.”
If these symptoms are affecting your child’s ability to take a test, go to school or function normally, talk to your child’s doctor or a mental health professional.
Tips for Helping a Child with Test Anxiety
- Validate their feelings and talk about coping skills.
You may know that one test matters very little in the context of your child’s life, but don’t downplay their concerns about it.
“Validate that the way they’re feeling is normal rather than saying something like, ‘It’s just one test, it’s not a big deal,’” Dr. Janos says. “It lets your child know that you hear them and they can talk to you about how they’re feeling.”
Talk to your child about ways to keep themselves calm before and during a test.
“Taking deep breaths in a stressful moment is powerful in ways that kids and teens don’t always expect,” Dr. Janos says. “When you’re doing deep, controlled breathing, you’re slowing down your heart rate, which changes that fight-or-flight response you feel when you’re anxious.”
Go beyond just telling your child to breathe; actually practice taking mindful breaths in and out with them.
You can give your child a mantra to repeat to themselves, such as, “As long as I try my best, everything will be fine.” Repeating the phrase can help your child quiet anxious thoughts.
- Help your child create a homework and study routine.
No one is born knowing how to study for a test, and some of your child’s stress about testing may be because they don’t know what to expect. You may find they’re waiting until the last minute to start studying.
“Parents can help their kids by putting an everyday homework and studying structure in place ahead of time,” Dr. Janos says. “A set routine of getting home and getting schoolwork done right away can give a child a sense of predictability, which can help them know where to start and focus on their studies while also having time to enjoy their evening.”
If your child has a big test in a week, you can help them make a plan for what they need to review each day so that they’re not cramming the night before. It can help your child identify which of their study habits are successful and which they may need to improve before their next test.
- Emphasize effort over a grade.
When you know your child has a good homework routine and you’ve seen them do their assignments, you can assure them that they did everything possible to get a good grade.
“I encourage parents to emphasize the effort over the grade,” Dr. Janos says. “Emphasize that they should try their best on their homework, do all their reading, go to class, study, but at that point, they’ve done everything they can to put their best foot forward, and that’s what should be prioritized.”
Reminding your child of all of their efforts may help them to put one test in context; while it’s a big part of their grade, it may not be the only part of their grade.
Some tests carry extra weight—standardized tests and college entrance exams are big deals—but it’s still important to let your child know that you’re just looking for their best effort.
If your child is trying their best and still struggling with anxiety, it might be time to ask for help from their doctor or a mental health professional.
- Consider talking to their teacher.
Your child’s teacher may have advice on how your child can study more effectively or identify areas for improvement on future tests.
They can also consider whether accommodations might help your child feel less anxious.
“Some teachers might allow a kid to wear noise-canceling headphones or take the test in a separate setting,” Dr. Janos says.
If your child has a 504 plan or an individualized education program (IEP), their school can help you think about what accommodations might be the best fit for your child and work with you to identify areas of intervention.
- Make sure they’re practicing self-care.
It’s easier to do your best when you feel your best, so help your child practice healthy habits and reduce their stress, especially in the final hours before a test.
“The night before, it’s good to have a ritual or routine that they’ll find comforting,” Dr. Janos says. “Maybe they study for a little while, and then they get to pick what’s for dinner. Little kids might like a little extra cuddle time before bed, or maybe an older kid gets to choose a preferred activity to do as a family.”
Don’t let a child study too late into the night; a good night’s sleep is important to doing well. The morning of a big test, encourage your child to eat a healthy, balanced breakfast, which will help with the physical effects of being jittery. Remind teens that too much caffeine can also make them feel anxious and jumpy.
Then, remind them again that all that matters is that they try their best, and that’s a reason to be proud no matter what.
If you’re concerned about your child’s anxiety, talk to their doctor. If you need a doctor, find one near you.