This article originally ran on October 24, 2018, and was updated October 31, 2025.
It’s never too early to talk about consent. You can help keep your child safe, whether they’re 2 or 17, by starting the conversation.
“Consent is about more than sexual activity; it’s about communicating and expressing boundaries about your body,” says UNC Health pediatrician Bianca Allison, MD, MPH. “All kids should know that their body belongs to them, and they have the right to say yes or no about decisions relating to it.”
The earlier you begin these conversations, the more prepared your child will be to ask for consent when touching others and to assert their own boundaries. Dr. Allison explains how to get started.
Talking to Young Children About Consent
You can start to talk about and model behaviors regarding consent from the time your child is a toddler. In the early years, the conversations should be about understanding the privacy of certain body parts and bodily autonomy.
“Teach that no one is allowed to see or touch their private parts except for a parent or a doctor,” Dr. Allison says. “From an early age, use the proper terms rather euphemisms. It’s important that they know what those body parts are, so that if anything happens, they can communicate clearly.”
Speak to friends and family members about not forcing a child to participate in physical affection, and allow your child to refuse requests for hugs and kisses—even from you or their grandparents.
“Ask if it’s OK before a hug or a tickle,” Dr. Allison says. “If they say no, model that it’s normal to say no and that you can accept that without frustration. You might even say, ‘I’m proud of you for saying no to a hug if you didn’t want one.’”
When kids play with friends or siblings, point out when boundaries are being set. Acknowledge that it’s not always easy to hear “no” when a friend doesn’t want to play or share, but it’s important to listen and respect that.
You can also explain that it’s normal to change your mind about consent, and that giving and receiving it is an ongoing process.
“Explain that it’s OK to give grandma a high-five today and a hug tomorrow if that’s what they feel like,” Dr. Allison says. “Even if you’ve said ‘yes’ before, it’s OK to say ‘no’ in future situations.”
Of course, anyone who has ever changed an unwilling toddler’s diaper or dealt with a kindergartner who didn’t want to put on clothes may be wary of teaching them they can say no to things. Acknowledge that there are times when a parent has a responsibility to do certain things that they may not like.
“It’s important to distinguish between times when children have full autonomy and times when parents have to keep their children healthy and safe,” Dr. Allison says. “With something like a diaper change, normalize their frustration and explain the reason for the specific situation. You could say, ‘I know you don’t want me to do this, but it’s not safe or clean to have a dirty diaper on your body.’”
Talking to Preteens and Teens About Consent
As children get older, talk about consent in relationships—ideally before they are in one.
“Having conversations when it’s hypothetical can set a foundation,” Dr. Allison says. “You might say, ‘If someone wanted to kiss you, are you ready for that? How would you respond if you weren’t?’ Help them think through how to respond. Look for windows of opportunity for those conversations—maybe you see something on television or know that their friends are starting to date.”
It can be helpful for teens to practice those kinds of conversations, or at least get some coaching on how to effectively say yes or no and to understand what putting pressure on a partner might sound like. Young people can get nervous and shy in their first relationships but should understand that silence or what seems like passive agreement doesn’t equal consent.
“Kids need to know that in relationships, there needs to be mutual enthusiastic agreement,” Dr. Allison says. “It can’t be that someone seems OK with holding hands or a kiss—it needs to be that someone verbally agrees and is excited to participate.”
Reiterate that consent can change at any time and is not a given every time.
“It can be tricky for a young person when something changes partway through an activity, and it’s helpful for a parent to help them think through how they can handle that,” Dr. Allison says. “You want one partner to be able to assert themselves and the other partner to be able to step back. Just because something happened once doesn’t mean consent has been given for subsequent times.”
It’s important to stress to your child that a person under the influence of any substance cannot give consent.
Navigating boundaries is tricky for everyone, so try to help your child if they’re upset about an experience that didn’t go well.
“When things have calmed down—not in the heat of the moment—talk through the emotional ramifications and ways they can express themselves in future situations,” Dr. Allison says. “These are not easy talks, but if you normalize these open conversations early, you can help your young person have the bodily autonomy and respect they deserve in all situations.”
Need help talking to your child about tricky topics? Talk to their doctor or find one near you.