In the aftermath of a hurricane, it’s common to experience a variety of strong emotions—you may be relieved for your own safety but feeling sad, stressed and anxious about physical damage, limited resources, and the losses and hardships of others.
You may also be worried about your child and how they’re coping, particularly if their school is closed or your family had to relocate. We spoke to UNC Health psychiatrist Nadia Charguia, MD, about how to talk to your child after a hurricane or other natural disaster. She shares six tips.
1. Take care of yourself so you can be calm in front of your child.
Try to speak to your child when you’re feeling calm, which will reassure them.
“Our kids are always listening, and they can tap into our trauma and anxiety. If you’re feeling emotionally raw, it might not be the best time to have a conversation with your children,” Dr. Charguia says. “And if you find yourself becoming tearful because of your own fears, it’s reasonable to say, ‘I want to talk about this with you, but I need to step away for a moment.’”
Recognize that you’re juggling more than usual—you may be trying to work, take care of children, help family, find necessary resources and clean up damage—and take some time for your own self-care and mental health.
“It’s important to be conscientious of the support we need from others to do our own processing,” Dr. Charguia says. “Seek your own resources, ask for help, and remember you don’t have to do this alone.”
2. Give your child opportunities to talk about their experience.
As an adult, the experience of the storm may have been incredibly stressful—you may have been watching for trees to fall on a house or trying to reach a loved one for days. Remember that it may not have been the same experience for your children.
“Try to understand from your child’s perspective what their experience of the storm was, rather than assuming what their experience was,” Dr. Charguia says, noting that the child’s understanding of what happened will depend on age and development level.
Provide reassurance that your child is safe, and let them know you’re there if they want to talk, knowing that they may need some time to be ready. During conversations, let your child take the lead, rather than asking what they thought about specific things.
“If they ask about something that happened, you might return the question back to them,” Dr. Charguia says. “Ask them to share their understanding so that you can keep your answers simple. If you give them more details than they need, it can add to their fear.”
While you may be able to protect younger kids from images on the news, be mindful that older kids and teenagers may see information related to the storm on social media.
“Ask them what they’re looking at, and reassure them that you’re there if they have questions,” Dr. Charguia says. “Teens are not always the most talkative, but if you remind them that you’re there as a support and safe space, that goes a long way.”
Know that these conversations may continue to take place in the weeks and months to come.
3. Focus on what is known.
There are many unknowns in the wake of a storm—when power and water will return, when people can return to their homes, when school will resume.
Your child may ask you questions you cannot answer. Remaining calm is more important than having a definitive answer.
“When there are unknowns, don’t overpromise,” Dr. Charguia says. “It’s OK to say, ‘I’m not sure when you’ll go back to your school’ or, ‘I’m not sure when we can be in our house.’ Focus on what is known, because that can provide reassurance. You can say things like, ‘I know we’re together, and I know that wherever we go next, we will stay together.’”
4. Look for sources of comfort.
Perhaps in a rush to evacuate, a child’s favorite toy was left behind, or something beloved was destroyed. Dr. Charguia says it’s important to keep your own stress about this loss from your child and to look for new things that can provide comfort at this time.
“For younger children, transitional objects have a lot of power to create a positive experience,” Dr. Charguia says. “This may be a time to take advantage of donated objects and get a new stuffed animal or a new blanket.”
This new special item can help to remind the child that they’re safe and have support.
“For older kids, comfort might come more from their relationships,” Dr. Charguia says. “If you can, find ways to promote and regain those connections, like helping them talk to a best friend they’re not seeing while school is out.”
For all children, the thing that can give the most comfort is you.
“Try to carve out time for each child, so they can get some one-on-one attention that’s not related to the disaster,” Dr. Charguia says.
5. Build routine with small moments.
After a disaster, you and your children may be craving routine and normalcy, but without the structure of school or regular activities, that might be hard to come by. Dr. Charguia says to build it in where you can—whether that’s setting aside time for a few learning activities each day or maintaining the steps of a bedtime routine.
“The small moments will add up,” she says. “For a child, normalcy doesn’t have to be every minute of the day, but tap into it when you can and point it out to your children. Say, ‘I’m going to tell you a bedtime story like I always do even though we’re not at home’ or, ‘I’m going to sing the song I always sing while you brush your teeth.’”
As time goes on, you’ll regain a routine, but you can always start with simple moments of love and connection—a family meal or a morning hug and kiss.
6. Find ways to focus on the positive.
This is a hard time, but being proactive about finding or creating moments of positivity as a family can be helpful.
“With younger kids especially, a new reality starts building with each day,” Dr. Charguia says. “When you help them identify and talk about the good things, it can provide reassurance and a sense of control.”
That may mean pointing out the ways in which neighbors and community members are helping each other, or finding small ways that you as a family can contribute or connect to others around you.
You can also start a daily gratitude practice with your children.
“When you chat about the day, name three things that were good about the day, even if it was a day with a million challenges,” Dr. Charguia says. “That practice will help with resilience and recovery.”
If you need help with physical or mental health after a natural disaster, talk to your doctor or your child’s doctor. Need a doctor? Find one near you.