Parents are often perplexed by child sleep problems. Why aren’t they tired? What I wouldn’t give to go to sleep right now!
But kids, no matter their stage of development, seem to find a way to fight sleep.
Rest assured this is normal, says UNC Health pediatric neurologist Zheng (Jane) Fan, MD, though that’s cold comfort in the face of sleep deprivation. Some sleep issues are part of growing up and will go away on their own. But others can be fixed, or at least improved upon.
Dr. Fan offers troubleshooting tips for four common scenarios.
Kid sleep problem: Your 8-month-old baby was sleeping through the night a few months ago, but now they’re waking up two or three times a night.
What to do: Infant sleep is famously tricky, but you may feel especially discouraged if your baby goes from sleeping longer stretches back to multiple wakeups a night.
But the wakeups aren’t the problem, Dr. Fan says. It’s that the baby can’t get back to sleep on their own.
“Babies wake up multiple times a night as a normal process because of sleep cycles. We all do,” Dr. Fan says. When adults and older children wake up during the night, they reposition themselves and fall back to sleep, without even noticing. Babies often don’t know how to get back to sleep independently.
“If they’re used to getting a bottle or getting picked up when they cry in the middle of the night, they get conditioned to that,” she says.
Dr. Fan recommends following the best practices of sleep training, which can begin around 4 or 5 months of age: Put your baby to bed drowsy but awake so they learn to fall asleep on their own, and don’t rush to pick them up if they wake and cry. This, of course, is easier said than done. Talk to your child’s pediatrician about the best approach for your baby—and your sanity.
Another tip from Dr. Fan: Avoid feeding your baby large volumes of milk or other food at night, and remember to burp them before laying them down, Dr. Fan says. Acid reflux can cause discomfort and interrupted sleep.
Kid sleep problem: Your 4-year-old throws a fit most nights when you say it’s time for bed. And when you finally get them tucked in, they don’t stay there—they keep coming to look for you or to request a stuffie or a glass of water.
What to do: Bedtime resistance is common between the ages of 3 and 5, Dr. Fan says. Kids this age can be very creative in bending the rules and appealing to adults: “Bright kids know how to test the limits,” Dr. Fan says.
That’s why it’s important that everyone, including parents, grandparents and other caregivers, follow the same routines and stay consistent with rules. Create a pattern that follows the same steps each time. For example: bathtime, snuggling and reading a book, singing a bedtime song and getting tucked in. Keep lights low and the house as quiet as possible, and keep your child away from screens, including the TV.
If your child leaves their bed, calmly walk them back to bed without fanfare, and do your best not to accommodate every request or you’ll receive more and more. Some kids respond well to sticker charts or other small incentives. For example, stay in bed for five days in a row and you can pick out a book or small toy—or whatever works for your family. (Avoid using food, especially candy, as incentives, Dr. Fan says).
If your little one continues to fight sleep or wakes up often during the night, ask their doctor if they should be tested for an iron deficiency, which is common in this age range and can disrupt sleep, Dr. Fan says. If you notice your child snoring, ask your pediatrician about whether they could have sleep apnea.
If health issues are ruled out, you may want to ask your doctor about melatonin, an over-the-counter sleep aid that some parents find useful in small doses.
Kid sleep problem: Your 7-year-old keeps ending up in your bed in the middle of the night—and you’re tired of getting kicked.
What to do: Some parents love the coziness of having their kids in bed with them, and some don’t. Children in their parents’ beds can disrupt the adults’ sleep and sometimes put a strain on their relationship. That’s not good for anyone in the family.
If you want to break the co-sleeping habit, it’s important to take your child back to their bed when they show up in the middle of the night, even when it feels easier to just roll over and go back to sleep.
“Make sure your child feels safe in their room,” Dr. Fan says. “Kids often like night lights, but most of them are too bright. Use a dim one and not directed towards your child’s eyes.”
If your child is experiencing persistent fear of being alone at night, don’t shame them, and talk to their pediatrician. Together, you can consider therapy or other strategies.
Kid sleep problem: Your 15-year-old wakes up at 7 a.m. for school during the week but sleeps until noon on Saturday and Sunday.
What to do: Like adults, many teens are sleep-deprived. Adolescents should get between eight and 10 hours a sleep each night, a goal too often undercut by extracurricular activities, homework and the lure of phones and social media.
Sleeping the day away on the weekend doesn’t help them “catch up” on sleep; it simply further confuses their circadian rhythm, which regulates sleep-wake cycles, Dr. Fan says. Sleeping three or five hours later on the weekend—and then having to quickly revert back to the weekday schedule—is like being chronically jet-lagged.
Keeping their wakeup time consistent throughout the week is challenging but critical.
“Every day, try to help your teen get their minimum required sleep of eight hours,” Dr. Fan says. “On the weekend, they can sleep in one hour later, two hours maximum.”
Help your teen establish a nighttime routine and encourage them to put phones and other devices away at least an hour before bedtime. You can model this behavior by keeping your own phone out of your bedroom and prioritizing your bedtime as well.
After all, when you have kids, you need every minute of sleep you can get.
Questions about your child’s sleep? Ask their doctor, or find one near you.