For most kids, Halloween is a ton of fun—they get to have a party at school, wear a costume to look like their favorite character and—of course—there’s free candy. But it’s important to remember that Halloween can be difficult for some children.
For a shy or anxious child, the process of asking a stranger for candy might seem overwhelming. For children with autism, wearing a costume and the sounds and lights of Halloween events can cause sensory overload. Some children may struggle with weeks of being confronted with images of monsters, witches and ghosts. For a kid, it can be a fine line between fun and terrifying.
We talked to UNC Health licensed clinical social worker and therapist Sam Flescher about ways to help your child get ready for Halloween.
1. Prepare for the change in routine and give time for questions.
As a parent, you probably have an idea of how well your child adapts to changes in their normal routine, and that can help you prepare them for Halloween.
“For a child who has anxiety, they may be worried about what to expect when a situation is unknown,” Flescher says. “For a child who is neurodivergent, the routine set in place for them is really important to not feeling stressed or overwhelmed.”
A few weeks before Halloween, start a conversation with your child about some of the things they might see and do. Visual aids, such as a written schedule of what you’ll do on Halloween, can be helpful for some kids.
It might be useful, especially for kids with autism, to practice trick-or-treating with members of their family or a few willing neighbors, or to wear their costume a few times before the big day so they aren’t self-conscious about putting it on.
You might get questions after the holiday as well—once a child gets the hang of Halloween, they may not understand why they can’t ask for candy every night.
2. Be aware of scary surroundings.
It can be fun to have neighbors who decorate for Halloween, but gigantic skeletons, flashing lights and monsters that wail when someone walks by aren’t fun for every kid.
“For younger kids or anxious kids, parents should be aware of their surroundings and what the neighborhood looks like,” Flescher says. “If you know what to expect, you can prepare your kid and be ready for something that might cause a struggle.”
If you’re not sure how your child will handle spooky decorations, Flescher recommends going to a store with a Halloween section.
“It’s a good way to dip your toe into Halloween and gauge what’s scary for them,” Flescher says. “It’s brightly lit, and it’s easy to get away by stepping into another section or aisle of the store.”
Still, be aware that you may prep your child for mummies and vampires only to watch your child become upset about something else.
“As parents, we can be surprised by what is scary to kids,” Flescher says. “There may be something you think is totally innocuous, and they’re absolutely terrified. You can know your kid really well and still make a mistake, and that’s OK.”
If your child is frightened by something, Flescher says to acknowledge the fear.
“When things are scary, parents are primed to downplay fears,” he says. “You can point out that something isn’t real, but still say, ‘Yes this is scary; we can move past this thing quickly.’”
3. Consider alternatives and have a plan B.
You may have your heart set on trick-or-treating in your neighborhood as a family, but if it will be overwhelming for your child, there are many alternatives.
“A trunk-or-treat event can be more inclusive,” Flescher says of events where people decorate cars and hand out treats. “It’s usually done in a light environment rather than at night, so you can see everybody there, which can relieve some worry. It’s a smaller space and easier for organizers to set limits about types of decorations.”
Your local corn maze or pumpkin patch may offer special events for kids during the day, some even geared toward children with sensory sensitivities. Children may get all the enjoyment they need out of the holiday by watching a Halloween cartoon or doing Halloween crafts. You can also go trick-or-treating in your home, giving your child a piece of candy in each room.
If you are venturing out for trick-or-treating, Flescher says to allow your child to warm up to the activity—they may want to watch a few other children ring a doorbell before they do. Be flexible about when it ends, particularly if you’re noticing signs that your child is uncomfortable or overwhelmed.
“It’s okay to have a low-stakes experience,” Flescher says. “You may go to a few houses and decide that’s enough. Your child may enjoy going home to hand out the candy or watch a movie, and you can always sneak them some candy for later.”
And while some children are able to walk up to front doors by themselves while their parents stand at a distance, others will need their grownup to stay close.
“Build in the time to be there with them and help if they’re too nervous,” he says. “Your child will be more comfortable if you’re there as physical back-up and emotional support. That support will build capacity for them to do more in the future.”
If you need more tips for helping your child with holidays and events, talk to their doctor. If your child needs a doctor, find one near you.